How to deal with your child’s tantrum

Tantrum is a natural emotion that almost all children experience, including 5 stages. To deal with tantrums, first we need to understand tantrums.

Stubbornness and anger are common in young children. Sometimes they go too far with intense expressions such as lying on the ground, crying and screaming, stomping feet and hitting furniture, or even their parents.


To deal with tantrums, first we need to understand tantrums. According to experts, there are about 5 stages of tantrum that your child will go through:

1st stage: Anger. This stage can be recognized easily with loud screams or strong actions like punching things or hitting people. However, its duration is quite short and it only last long when someone affects this emotion.

2nd stage: Anger and sadness. This phase begins with frowns and tears, then gradually decreases. Its duration is quite long, about 40% of the total time of the tantrum.

3rd stage: “Don’t touch me”. The child will react negatively when you try to touch or comfort him/her. This stage is relatively short, about 10% of the total time of the tantrum.

4th stage: “I need a hug”. This stage begins when overreaction decreases. The child might look around, seeking for attention. This stage is also quite short, only 10%.

5th stage: End of the tantrum. Children's brain can bear anger for more than an hour because they are still always in a state of emotional learning. You will notice that they will forget everything and start to play normally.


The tantrum rules:

- Any effects on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stage all lead to a second level of elongation at the other tantrum.

- With any impacts the 2nd stage (for example fooling them with toys so they will move to the last stage), the next tantrum will be more intense and you will have do more to end their tantrum.

This is common mistake of parents while dealing with children’s tantrum. So, let your child go through each stage in safety, and it will make him or her more mature emotionally. Working at the 4th stage so the child can naturally go through the last stage is recommended.

Tantrum is a natural emotion that almost all children experience, including 5 stages. During the first 3 stages, children should experience, think and adjust their emotions by themselves. Any impact at these stages will not do anything good. The 4th stage is the best time for you to give advice, teach and love.


Here are what you should do:

1. Cut off the energy that causes tantrum by hiding any stuff that has raised the situation.

2. Do not worry during the first 3 stages of tantrum. Just keep calm, and watch your child. Be strong, be stiff.

3. You are not advised to use toys to calm the child down, because he or she will not be able to learn to accept and change emotionally.

 4. When the child is in the 4th stage, you can talk, hug and forgive.

By: Vivian Cooper

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